Mourning Sun Read online

  I was settling back, feeling pretty smug because I'd read the play over the summer when the boy from my dreams arrived a few minutes late. His gaze swept the room as though searching for something, only pausing when he found me at the back of the classroom. The blood rushed to my cheeks and I tried to find anywhere else to look other than those deep black eyes that never left mine as Mr. Stevens explained we were short on books and there would surely be someone willing to share with him. The teacher gestured around the room to the empty seats and I noticed Stephanie Bartlet pat the desk next to her, inviting the new boy to sit with her. I knew if that happened, I was lost. Stephanie would suck this beautiful boy into the Golden Ones and I would never get the chance to know more about him than what the rumor mill would release. To my immense surprise, however, the boy from my dreams ignored Stephanie's invitation and walked surely to the empty seat behind me. He slipped into the desk and I heard Cecelia whisper, "That's going to cost him."

  She was right, of course. As queen bee, Stephanie Bartlet was the arbiter of all things cool and popular at Highland Home. If the new guy knew what was good for him, he'd beg her forgiveness and let her accept him into the Golden Ones.

  "Class, please welcome Mathias Auer. He'll be joining us this year" Mr. Stevens said. His name shot a bolt of disbelief through my whole body. It simply wasn't possible for me to have dreamed about the past and have that past walk into my present. My premonitions didn't work that way, or at least they hadn't up to this point. I must have had some odd look on my face because when I looked up, Cecelia was frowning at me.

  "What's wrong?" she mouthed. "Later," I waved her off. I couldn't form coherent thoughts, let alone attempt to share anything with her without getting caught by Mr. Stevens, or worse, Stephanie and her cronies.

  What kind of name was Mathias, I wondered idly. I'd never met anyone with that name before and didn't remember even reading it in one of the scores of romance novels I'd read in my life. Mathias...It sounded classy and classical and it certainly fit the reserved and beautiful boy who sat comfortable and silent behind me while the whispers of my classmates erupted around us the moment Mr. Stevens turned his back to continue his lecture.

  I jumped when a hand settled on my shoulder. "May I share your book?" When I turned, Mathias had leaned forward to whisper his request to me and I found myself staring into his dark eyes with little distance between us. I pulled in a deep breath to attempt to calm my thundering heart and caught a whiff of something dark, earthy and tantalizing. The scent caressed my senses, bringing up visions of deep forests and dark nights and it took a moment for me to realize Mathias was still waiting for me to answer him.

  "Um, sure," I said. I put my book on his desk. Mathias lowered his head and began to read along with Mr. Stevens. I stared at the tumble of his loose black curls and was struck by an almost insane desire to run my fingers through his hair. I wondered if his hair was soft or coarse. If it would feel like silk against my fingers. If he would kiss me.

  Jeez, where did that thought come from? I blinked and forced myself to return to the present only to realize Mr. Stevens had been trying to get my attention. "Mairin, would you please pick up with Abigail's lines?" Mr. Stevens said. Stephanie snickered and wound her index finger in a tight circle next to her temple. Great, I thought. One more reason for Stephanie to think I was losing my marbles.

  "Yes, Mr. Stevens," I said and then realized I had no idea where we were in the play.

  "Here." I followed the long finger Mathias laid on the page and began to read. I kept my head down, but kept sneaking glances at the boy beside me. He watched me silently, barely glancing at the page to read John Proctor's lines as the characters fought over whether or not John loved Abigail. His voice jolted me each time he spoke, sending little electric thrills down my spine. Mr. Stevens finally started in on his lecture again and I was able to lean away from Mathias. The distance gave me some clarity and let me breathe. What was it with this guy?

  I wasn't normally a boy-crazed teenaged girl. Between my desire to go to a good college to escape Highland Home and my efforts to be invisible in order to avoid the Golden Ones, I had rendered myself almost entirely unseen by most of the male population of Highland Home. When you factored in my refusal to act like a stupid twit in order to stroke the egos of the boys who did see me, it left very little interaction with the opposite sex.

  There was something about the way Mathias had looked at me in the hall and as he'd walked down the aisle to his seat that made me feel as though he saw more than others. It was as though he could see past the walls I'd built and into the transparent parts of me to find the deepest and most secret places in my soul that I didn't share with anyone. Being seen like that, after years of transparency, left me breathless. I wanted to be near him, to hear his voice, to be lost in the deep chasm of his eyes.

  When the bell rang, Mathias rose and stalked from the room, moving with a catlike grace. He was gone before I was out of my seat.

  "Well that was weird," Cecelia said as we headed down the hall to the cafeteria. "What's up with you and the new guy?" "I wish I knew, Cece," I said. I knew I needed Cecelia's clarity and ability to keep me grounded so I decided to share my dream with her. "I know you don't like the metaphysical stuff, but I've got to tell someone or I'm going to explode."

  Cecelia eyed me. "Maire, what's going on?"

  "I dreamed of him. Mathias I mean. I dreamed about him last night."

  "Well your dreams are premonitions sometimes, right?" "Yeah, but the dream last night took place in the past, not the future. Mathias..." I stopped. Did I dare tell Cecelia the outcome of the dream? I had to, I decided. Someone else had to know what I was dealing with, no matter how selfish it was of me to dump this stuff on her.

  "Mathias what, Maire?"

  "He was a vampire in my dream. And he killed a woman I think was his wife." Cecelia shook her head and laughed. "You're kidding, right? You took that seriously? Come on, Maire, you know you've been reading too many novels when you start dreaming about vampires."

  I relaxed and laughed with her. Trust Cecelia to be the one to smack me with a reality check. She was always great for keeping me firmly planted in reality, something I really needed in order to balance out the metaphysical mess that was my daily life.

  "You're right, Cece. I gotta stop reading that junk before bed." Cecelia's reality check might not explain why Mathias had starred in my dream, but it did make me feel better about the vampire part. I mean who didn't think of vampires as dark, mysterious and sexy. Maybe the dream had been somewhat of a premonition that this new boy was coming to our school and my over-charged imagination had superimposed the vampire stuff to amuse my subconscious. I began to feel a bit more normal about the dream and Mathias' appearance as I followed my classmates through the rest of the morning.

  Mathias wasn't in any of my other morning classes. I waited impatiently for him to appear, even giving him fifteen minutes of leeway before admitting defeat. The rumor mill was in full production by the time Cecelia and I headed to the cafeteria for lunch. I heard his name whispered by nearly every group I passed and I caught myself watching for him as we traveled with our classmates through the halls.

  Cecelia and I left our books with Thomas, Nate and Janet and joined the throng lined up at the lunch counters.

  "Did you meet the new guy yet?" I heard a girl in front of us ask her friend.

  "No, but he's in my English class. Mr. Stevens said his name was something that starts with an M, but I wasn't really paying attention."

  "Mathias," I said without thinking. Cecelia kicked my ankle. As the girl turned toward us, I realized why.

  "Oh hell," I thought. It was Stephanie.

  "Did you say something to me?" she asked. "His name is Mathias." Stephanie looked at me as though I'd grown horns. "And what makes you think I care?"

  That was a very good question. I knew every word I said from here on was one more shovelful of dirt from my social grave. Stephanie would no
t take well to being embarrassed by me about something like the new guy who had snubbed her in English in order to sit near me. The problem was, I couldn't stop myself. It mattered to me that she knew Mathias' name, though I had no idea why. I was about to snap off another ill-conceived retort when I caught sight of someone tall and dark standing beside me.

  "I care," his smooth voice was a caress that made me shiver. "It is, after all, my name." I looked up to find Mathias leaning in close to me. He flashed a cold, brittle smile to Stephanie before turning his back on her. What had been an icy rebuff for Stephanie turned to a warm, inviting smile when Mathias looked at me.

  "Would you care to join me for lunch, Mairin?" he asked. "You know you don't have to eat with the losers, Mathias," Stephanie said, desperation making her voice high and whispery. "You'd be welcome to join us at our table."

  Mathias ignored Stephanie and waited for my answer without turning his attention away from me.. Behind his shoulder I could see Stephanie positively seething. She wasn't used to being ignored.

  Cecelia pushed me from behind, breaking the spell of disbelief is was under. I coughed in an attempt to cover my apparent break with sanity and reality. "Sure," I said. "Why don't you come sit with us?"

  I pointed to the table where Janet sat open-mouthed. Thomas and Nate waved, welcoming smiles plastered on their faces. It wasn't often that one of the beautiful people went out of their way to interact with me or my friends. Mathias nodded once, smiled and headed across the cafeteria.

  "Well," Cecelia said, "you must have made some impression in English class."

  "Shove it, Cece," I said. I watched as Mathias sat next to Nate, immediately engaging in what looked like a spirited conversation with my friends. I wanted to be happy that this dark stranger had chosen me and my friends, but deep down, I knew the kind of trouble his attention was going to cause for us. When Mathias tired of me and my friends, he would be welcomed into the Golden Ones with open arms. His good looks and obvious wealth made that a nobrainer. The thought of Mathias backing Stephanie's campaign to make me miserable made my chest tight with anguish. Would the taunts and insults be any less painful if they were spoken in his rough, silky voice?

  Cecelia pushed me through the line, pulling me back to reality each time I turned to stare at the boy who continued to talk to my friends, but kept watching me. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I wanted to know why he seemed to like me when we'd done nothing more than share a book.

  "If you keep gawking, he's going to think you're brain damaged," Cecelia hissed as we walked to the table.

  "I can't help it," I said. "How can you look away?"

  "He's cute," Cecelia said. "I'll give you that. But he's not really my type." I shook my head and tried to pull my gaze from the dark eyes that watched each step I took. His smile was wide, welcoming and dazzling. I felt the world around us dim until only he and I existed.

  It was a heady feeling to be the center of attention from this amazing and mysterious boy, but there was something sinister underlying every good feeling I'd had about him. In the back of my mind I kept seeing his eyes, dark and cold, above the pale flesh of Kathryn's arm. I heard the wet passage of blood from her body to his lips. I saw her glassy stare when he'd finished with her. No matter what Cecelia had said about too many romance novels, my dream still haunted me and left me to wonder if someday I might not willingly watch this beautiful stranger drain my life away.

  I sat down next to Janet, who looked like she was going to burst at the seams if she didn't get to ask me about Mathias soon. The thing was, I didn't know what I could say. "Yeah, we shared a book in English today. Oh and I dreamed about him last night," was all I could think of. As to why he was sitting next to me, smiling at me, trying to engage me in conversation, I had absolutely no idea. All I did know was that each time I heard his voice, my heart stuttered and my breath caught in my throat.

  "Mathias was just telling us about Los Angeles," Thomas said. "I can't imagine why anyone would move from someplace exciting like Los Angeles to someplace as dull as here."

  "I don't know," Mathias said, looking at me, "I don't think here is dull at all."

  *** The rest of the day passed in a blur. Mathias appeared in each of my afternoon classes, sat himself near me and so far as I could tell, spoke to no one but me and my friends. By the end of the day, Stephanie and her cronies were livid and glared daggers at me. Mathias had, not so subtly, rebuffed her and several others four times during various classes and I could see the rumor mill would be full of hateful things about us the next day.

  Oddly enough for the first time since middle school, I didn't care what the Golden Ones might say. I was engrossed in the mystery that was Mathias Auer.

  "Tell me about Highland Home," he said as we walked from one class to the next.

  "There's really not much to tell," I said. "The best part of this crappy town is the beach."

  Mathias smiled. "I will agree with you that the beach here is quite pleasant. It was part of the reason I chose to move here." "Just part?" The bell rang and we were forced to cut our conversation short. I wondered what else had prompted Mathias, who obviously had wealth and refinement, to choose a provincial New England town like Highland Home over Los Angeles. I wondered, too, where his parents were. He spoke of making choices as though he had no one to whom he answered.

  When the final bell rang, Mathias was gone before I could question him further about what had brought him to Highland Home. His parting words had pushed all other questions out of my head.

  "I will see you in the morning, Mairin," Mathias said after the bell had rung.

  Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Why?" Mathias smiled at me and my heart skipped erratically in my chest. "Because I am not strong enough to deny myself your company," he said and then he was gone.

  As I watched him walk down the hall, I realized it didn't matter that I had no idea why this beautiful and mysterious boy was so interested in me. The fact that he was made me feel whole in a way I'd never felt before. He saw me, sought me out, made me feel visible when before I'd always been something of a ghost. It was almost as though Mathias was the sun and through his light the shadows were chased away and I was left revealed. I shook myself out of my reverie and headed for my locker.

  "Oooooh, the new boy likes Mairin," Stephanie said, envy dripping from her tongue. "We'll have to start calling them M&M."

  The crowd of girls who always surrounded Stephanie laughed loudly before beginning to chant, "M&M. M&M."

  I ducked my head and grabbed what I needed from my locker. Cecelia joined me and we headed for my car. "Tell me everything," she said. "I don't know what to tell you, Cecelia. You saw him almost as much as I did today."

  "Yeah, but he didn't spend the day looking for reasons to get close to me." A shiver ran down my spine. "He wasn't looking for reasons to get close to me," I said. "I'm sure he was just sticking close to the familiar. Tomorrow he'll realize what a social nonentity I am at this school and jump ship for Stephanie's crowd."

  "I doubt that," Cecelia said, but she dropped the interrogation as we headed out to the parking lot. Between Mathias' parting comment and Cecelia's insistence that Mathias was looking for reasons to be near me, I was completely confused. I would have to concede that Cecelia was right. Mathias had spent the entire day seeking ways to remain by my side. I still had no idea why, but I couldn't deny the truth of that observation.

  Mathias' parting words were problematic. What did it mean that he didn't have the strength to stay away from me? There was a weight to those words which made me more than a little uncomfortable. It was almost as though he knew of my dream, of my premonitions and while he felt he had a choice to stay or go, going was the harder of the two options. So hard that he'd rather stay and be in pain than go.

  It was a silly fantasy, of course. No one was fated to live any one way or do anything. We all chose our own paths. When we reached the parking lot, Kerry waited at my car. She looked at me a little stra
ngely but didn't say anything. She climbed into the back seat, leaving the front for Cecelia.

  "How was your first day, sis?" I asked.

  "OK"

  I glanced in the rear view mirror. "Just OK?" I asked. "Yeah." I was thinking of pressing Kerry for details when I rounded the corner of the building and damn near ran over Thomas as he charged across parking lot to where a knot of people surrounded one sleek, black car. I didn't really have to look to know it would be Mathias leaning casually against the driver's door. Of course he would drive that little sports car. His clothes probably cost more than my car, why wouldn't his car be worth more than my mom's house? He looked up as I pulled past him and I felt his gaze lock on mine.

  "That would be his car," I mumbled.

  "What?"

  "Mathias' car. He drives that little sports car of course."

  "Is that the guy everyone's been talking about today?" Kerry asked.

  "I guess so. I wasn't listening," I said.

  Kerry was looking over her shoulder. "I think he wants you to stop, Mairin," she said. I just shook my head and kept going. Beautiful, I could handle. Rich I could handle. I'd grown up in Highland Home, I saw rich and beautiful everyday. Mysterious and new, I could handle. What I couldn't handle was this inexplicable desire Mathias seemed to have for me. It wasn't normal, and I'd had enough of strange for one day. I needed to get away from Mathias and his intensity.

  I drove to Cecelia's house in silence. I kept seeing Mathias leaning against his car, a tiny smile pulling the corner of his mouth up. He had been so still amid the chaos of swarming boys and girls who wanted to see his car, to see him. He'd just stood and let them pool around him like moths to a flame. Hadn't I thought of him as a sun, a light to draw everything around him into sharper focus? Why wouldn't he be flames as well? Would he consume me if I let myself get too close? Something about the way he moved, about the way he looked at me, made me think he probably would burn me up. And I'd smile as the flames devoured me.