Mourning Sun Read online

  I shook my head. "I don't get it."

  "What don't you get?" Mathias leaned against the wall, pinning me under his body while not actually touching me. My heart skipped a beat or two. "I'm nothing special," I touched his lips to halt his protest. "You're the most amazing, different and interesting person I've ever met. You're smart, articulate, beautiful and perfect. What makes you want to know me?"

  Mathias laughed. "I must say, you do have a highly exaggerated idea of who I am, Mairin. But to answer your question, that you do not think you are interesting is why I think you are. You are open and honest in a way that speaks to my very soul. There is something supremely comforting about your presence and despite the fact that my horrifyingly selfish desire to be with you is likely not in your best interest, I find I am unable to deny myself your company." He stared at me until I shivered. "Will you grant me the honor of allowing me to escort you to the pep rally and football game this evening?"

  "Determined, aren't you?" "You have no idea," he said. The smile that pulled the corners of his mouth up made me gasp. Each time I thought he could be no more fascinating, he showed me one more thing, one more reason I wanted to be near him. I realized I'd give almost anything to see that smile every day of my life.

  "You'll have to meet my mom and Tawnya first," I said, knowing I'd probably doomed myself to another Friday night at home alone. "Are you sure you're up to that?"

  "I think I can handle your mother and her partner," he said. Something in the way he said partner made me think he already knew Mom and Tawnya were more than business partners.

  "Then if Mom says it's okay, I'll go with you. Even if I don't get it." Mathias' smile broadened a bit and he leaned forward as though he were going to kiss me. My heart stopped and my eyes closed as I waited to discover if his lips tasted as sweet as I imagined they would.

  "Mr. Auer, Miss Cote, don't you have a class to go to?" the assistant principal asked. The moment slipped away and I cursed. Disappointment flooded my body, leaving me weak and aggravated. Mathias pulled me toward our class, smiling broadly and refusing to release my hand. The smug bastard acted as though he knew exactly what he'd done to my state of mind and was proud of himself. I didn't hear a word from our teacher for the next hour. I was too lost in a daydream of kissing Mathias until we were both breathless and flushed.

  When the final bell rang, Cecelia, Kerry and I made a beeline for my car. I didn't stop to look for Mathias, nor had I told Cecelia about the invitation to the pep rally and game. I wasn't ready for the inquisition from Cecelia and I didn't want to risk running into Stephanie and her friends before I could escape school grounds. The more I thought about the confrontation in the cafeteria, the more uncomfortable it made me. In the cafeteria Mathias had, for the first time since his arrival in my daytime world, behaved in a way which undeniably tied him to the monster of my nights. That growl, the offensive stance, and the terror he'd instilled in Stephanie had made it clear there was so much more to this boy than the cool, reserved facade he hid behind. I was afraid, not so much of Mathias, but of myself. Night after night I watched Mathias devour lives and yet each day I hoped to see him. What did it say about me that I was seemingly willing to overlook the death of others so I could love this beautiful boy?

  "Mairin."

  His voice stopped me dead. A shiver ran down my spine and the hair on my neck stood on end. How did he do that? Kerry and Cecelia flanked me like soldiers about to do battle or bodyguards. What was it about Mathias that either drew people to him or repelled them with such force? And why did I feel like I was on the wrong side of that equation?

  "Mathias, I'd like you to meet my sister. Kerry, this is Mathias." Kerry backed away from Mathias' outstretched hand. "Hi," she said softly. I'd never seen Kerry react to anyone like that. Usually my sister was the more gregarious of the two of us.

  "A pleasure to meet you, Kerry." Mathias turned to me. "Have you forgotten that I agreed to meet your family before the game tonight?"

  "No," I said. "But you seem to know everything about me. I figured you knew where my mom's shop was." His smile told me he knew that wasn't why I hadn't waited for him. If I didn't know that nearly every thought I ever had passed over my face, I'd think Mathias was a mind reader. The truth was, he saw me in ways no one else tried to. He was perceptive to a fault and I sucked at hiding anything I thought or felt.

  "I do not, actually," he said. "Shall I follow you?"

  ***

  "Why didn't you tell me Mathias asked you to the game tonight?" Cecelia demanded.

  "It just happened, Cece. I didn't expect him to pounce on me in the parking lot." Cecelia huffed. I could tell she thought I was keeping secrets, but the truth was, I didn't know what to do about Mathias. No matter how wonderful he was in person, everything he did was superimposed over the horror he was in my nightmares. Every time I screamed myself awake after the Mathias in my dreams had destroyed another life, I swore I would ignore him at school the next day. Then I would see him in person and I would be unable to remember the monster. I could only see the thoughtful and sensitive boy who was determined to be a part of my life.

  "I don't think you should go out with him, Maire," Kerry said.

  "Why not?"

  "I just don't like him. There's something weird about him and I think he's...well I don't think he's good for you."

  "I'll take it under advisement," I said, trying to make a joke of her concerns, but I couldn't ignore the fact that I'd had the same thought.

  "Don't be too hard on your sister, Kerry," Cecelia said. "She hasn't had a date in a while."

  "Bitch," I snapped, laughing.

  The moment to consider Kerry's thoughts passed, but I could see when I glanced in the rear view mirror that she hadn't given up her warning.

  "Can you drop me at the house, Mairin," Kerry said. "I've got homework."

  Chapter 4

  The scent of sage, lavender, and peppermint flowed out of my mom's shop in a cloud that always hovered on the edge of overpowering. New age music played softly in the background and the bell above the door chimed, alerting the occupants that visitors from the physical realm had arrived.

  The Astral Plane was a charming mixture of old fashioned furniture and new age religion. Mom had opened the shop after Daddy's accident. It gave her something to do and was a way to keep food on the table and pay the mortgage. No matter how much crap I took about the shop from Stephanie and her cronies, I wouldn't want Mom to do anything else. Running The Astral Plane was what my mom loved doing. I sometimes thought she saw the shop as a way of staying connected to Daddy since his insurance money had paid for it. I wouldn't take that from her for anything.

  Mom dashed through the curtain from the stockroom when she heard the bell, stopping short when she saw Mathias standing next to me. I guess I couldn't blame her. It wasn't everyday I brought a beautiful stranger over to meet her.

  "Hi baby," she said, hugging me quickly. "Where's your sister?"

  "I dropped her at the house. She said she wanted to get started on her homework so she could go to the pep rally tonight."

  "And who's your friend?" she asked, eying Mathias.

  "Mathias, this is my mom, Loraine. Mom, this is Mathias Auer. He's new to Highland Home." Mathias bowed slightly, but didn't offer his hand to my mom. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Cote," he said, clasping his hands behind his back. "Your daughter speaks very highly of you."

  "Such pretty manners," Mom said. "I'm glad to meet you, too." I shook my head. This was getting a little too weird. Sure, Mom wasn't used to me bringing boys to meet her, but she was acting really strange. For that matter, so was Mathias. What was with the formality? I half expected Mathias to ask my mother's permission to court me.

  "Mathias asked me to go to the pep rally and football game tonight. Can I go?"

  "Who's here, Loraine?" Tawnya called from the reading room in the back of the shop.

  "It's Mairin and her friend. Come on out and meet him." Tawnya turned t
he corner and stopped short. Her eyes grew wide and something about the way she looked at Mathias made me think I was about to have a fight on my hands when I came to spending time with him.

  She walked forward, her hand outstretched. "I'm Tawnya, Loraine's partner."

  Mathias smiled and bowed. "Mathias Auer. I'm pleased to meet all of Mairin's family." Mom and I watched Tawnya and Mathias stare each other down. I had no idea what was going on, but I could tell Mathias was getting upset. His halo, which had been light gold, rather pale when compared to the vibrant, pulsing gold of Tawnya's, was darkening. I put my hand on his arm, hoping to head off any reaction which might make Mom decided I couldn't go out with Mathias.

  "So can I go, Mom?" I prompted "What?" Mom shook herself. "Go where?" I realized that Mom had been dazzled by the exchange between Mathias and Tawnya. I was struck, as I often was, by the fact that of all the people in the family who should have had psychic abilities, my mother was the least sensitive of any of us. That she was locked up by Mathias' presence and Tawnya's reaction to him made me wonder what I was missing because my own abilities tended to filter out other psychics and their affects.

  "To the school tonight. With Mathias?" I prompted. "No," Tawnya said. I looked at her. Tawnya had never behaved like this before. She'd always left the raising of me and my sister strictly to my mom, even though she'd been in our lives from the very beginning.

  "Why not?" I demanded.

  "Mairin, I don't wish to cause discord in your family...." "You shut up," I snapped at Mathias. I wasn't going to let him butt into this battle the way he had with Stephanie. Manners be damned, Tawnya was going to give me an answer.

  "Mairin!" Mom was looking at me as though I'd lost my mind. I couldn't tell if she was more upset with me for questioning Tawnya or snapping at Mathias. Of course it didn't really matter which it was. There was no going back.

  "I want to know why," I said to Tawnya before turning to Mathias. "And I want you to stay out of it. Remember our talk in the cafeteria?"

  Mathias nodded once and stepped back, leaving me to face Tawnya's obvious discomfort.

  "It's not safe, Mairin. This is for your safety." I threw up my hands. "You're kidding, right? Aren't you the one who always encouraged me to go out, to spend time with people from school? Now, all of a sudden it isn't safe for me to go to a school event I've attended every year since I started high school? There wasn't a problem before? What changed?"

  Tawny looked at my mom and then at Mathias. "Loraine..." "No, Tawnya. I told you earlier that what you saw wasn't something I agreed with," my mom said. "Mairin, honey, of course you can go to the school tonight."

  "Loraine, it's not a good idea," Tawnya said. I noticed her halo was beginning to pulse. Her eyes were wide and she looked more stern than I'd ever seen her. A chill chased down my spine and I took a step back.

  "I decide what's good for my daughters, Tawnya," Mom said flinching slightly when Tawnya's eyes shone with hurt. "Mathias, you'll have Mairin home before midnight, yes?"

  "Of course, Ms. Cote."

  "Then it's settled." Tawnya gave my mom a look that said it was anything but settled before she stomped into the reading room. It was only when she'd gone that I realized I'd been holding my breath.

  Mom watched her go and I felt guilt flood over me. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't meant to..." "You didn't do anything wrong, Mairin." She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Tawnya did a reading earlier and she's been going on about some dark cloud in your life ever since. I'll talk to her. You go have fun."

  Mom headed toward the reading room and I could hear her talking in low tones to Tawnya before Mathias pulled me out the door. I hated to think that I was the reason they would spend the next several hours or days angry with each other. Tawnya and my mom rarely fought, but when they did argue, the fights could be epic. I hoped this one wouldn't drag on too long. Tawnya might convince Mom that Mathias was the problem if she had enough time or ammunition.

  "I did not wish to be the source of problems with your family, Mairin."

  "You aren't the problem, Mathias," I said. "I am."

  "Do you always accept responsibility for what others have done?" Mathias asked.

  "I'm not doing that," I said, but I knew he was right.

  "Always so concerned with the happiness of others," he said. "Surely I don't deserve you." "I'm not a saint, Mathias. I'm actually pretty selfish. I didn't want Tawnya to convince Mom that I shouldn't be with...go with you tonight, so I picked a fight with her. Now she and Mom will be upset with each other and it's my fault."

  "If you would prefer not to go tonight, I will certainly understand."

  I blinked slowly, stunned by the pain that bloomed in my gut at the thought of staying home. "Do you want me to stay home?" "Of course not," he said, leaning against the side of his car. "But you always have the choice to do as you please when you are with me, Mairin. I won't ever force you."

  "You're not forcing me," I said softly.

  "Then I will pick you up at seven." The sunny smile I adored stretched his lips and I remembered the interrupted moment in the hall. I straddled Mathias' legs, leaning against his chest and pinning him against his car. He stiffened, putting his hands on my shoulders, and pushed me gently away. I ignored him and cupped his face in my palm.

  "Mairin, this is unseemly," he whispered. I heard an edge of desire in his voice and it made me bold to realize he wasn't as reserved as he wanted me to believe.

  "What if I don't care?"

  He sighed, turning his face to kiss my palm before straightening up and carefully pushing me away. "I care about you and your reputation, Mairin, even if you don't." The hot, choking tears surprised me. I fought them back, turning away so he wouldn't see how hurt I was. It was a weak excuse at best for not wanting to touch me, to kiss me, on my terms.

  "No, my sun," he said, lifting my chin to stare into my eyes. "Never doubt that every touch from you is welcome. I simply will not allow myself to endanger you in any way. That includes your reputation."

  "Why do you care about my reputation so much? It's not like one kiss would destroy me."

  Pain creased his forehead. He leaned down, brushing his lips against my forehead.

  "I will see you in a few hours."

  He slipped into his car and was gone before my stunned and numb brain deciphered the whispered words that had accompanied his kiss.

  "It would destroy us both."

  *** The football stadium was already brimming with students and parents when Mathias pulled his car into the student lot. I huddled into the passenger seat, attempting to disappear as people stared into the darkened windows. I was pretty sure no one could see me, but I'd have to get out of the car eventually.

  The hours waiting for Mathias to come to pick me up had been excruciating. I'd vacillated between cursing and crying for the majority of the time as I alternated between being angered by Mathias' rebuff and being crushed by it. I hadn't been until almost six thirty that I realized this first date with Mathias would have an audience. Most of the town would be there and they would all be inordinately interested in the new resident and his choice of date. I was in full panic mode by the time Mathias knocked on the door.

  "You are lovely, Mairin," he said, kissing my hand. "Thanks," I mumbled.

  "Shall we go?" He glanced past me to the stairs Kerry had just run up.

  I sighed. There was no turning back. "Yeah, I guess I can only die of embarrassment once."

  Mathias looked at me strangely, but took my hand and led me to his car. Now we were surrounded by nearly every Highland Home resident and I couldn't bring myself to open the door and expose myself to their ridicule and speculation.

  "They're going to see you in a moment, Mairin."

  "Yeah, I know." I sat up straighter.

  "We do not have to stay, you know. We could do something else."

  "No, we can't now. Everyone's seen your car. Let's get this over with," I said. We'd driven mostly in silence. Mathias focused
on the road while I focused on what I was going to do when I got home later. When Mathias had arrived at my house pick me up, Kerry had been running upstairs in tears. It seemed my little sister agreed with Tawnya about Mathias. She wanted me to stay away from him.

  I was baffled. No one else seemed to have such a strong reaction to Mathias and neither Kerry nor Tawnya would tell me exactly what it was about him that made them want me to stay away. Without a solid explanation, I wasn't going to stop seeing Mathias. I was already lost when it came to the boy who now held my car door open and offered me his hand to help me out of his car.

  "Stop worrying," he said. "We're going to have fun tonight."

  "Sure, sure. Fun." Mathias laughed. "Only you could make fun sound like a death sentence, Mairin."

  Just as I was going to snap off some smart retort, I realized everyone in the parking lot was staring at us. "Oh my God," I whispered.

  "Ignore them. I do."

  "It's easy for you. You don't know them like I do."

  "Nor do I care to. It is just you and me, Mairin. No one else matters tonight." We walked through the gate that led out to the field, surrounded by our classmates and their families. Some stared, others made an effort to not look at us at all. I guess my transparency and Mathias' vivid presence made it difficult for people to decide how to handle us.

  "Look at that," someone said loudly. "Isn't that the new guy and Mairin Cote? I thought for sure she was a dyke like her mother." Nothing ever changed, I thought. No matter what, I was still the freak with the lesbian mother. Shame washed over me for thinking of my mother and Tawnya like that. With the color flooding my face, I was certain I was glowing brighter than the stadium lights.

  "Only you and me, Mairin." His smooth voice and electric touch kept me grounded. I nodded, clutching Mathias' hand. I could do this. Cecelia waved at me from the bottom row of seats. Her bright smile helped me take my next breath. As we headed toward my best friend, I saw something that made me wish for invisibility more than I had ever wished for anything in my life.